Ed in Wonderland
by PolyginalWarrior
Summary: If you can't tell by the title, this is a parody of Alice in Wonderland. On a rare day off at Eastern HQ, Ed finds himself in a series of strange prediciments. I've updated the last chapter and hopefully made it less confusing.
1. Down the Library Tunnel

Note: This is my first story on this site, so please be honest in your reviews. No flames please.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, there would be no disclaimer here.

It was a bright and beautiful day in East City. The East City HQ was unusually quiet, as there was no new

missions for anyone, State Alchemist or not. Most of the staff took this as an opportunity to take a break from the usual routine and get some sun. Those outside enjoyed themselves, while those stuck inside, doing paperwork and the like, looked on with jealousy. In a park near HQ State Alchemist Edward Elric and his brother Alphonse Elric were sitting under a tree in the shade, enjoying the time off. At least Al was.

"I hate this!" Ed suddenly yelled out. "I hate it when there's nothing to do!"

"Hmm..." Al said, ignoring his brothers outburst completely.

"Are you even listening to me?" Ed asked.

"Actually I'm not. I stopped listening after your tenth outburst."

Ed glared at his brother for a moment before noticing a book in his hands.

"Hey, what are you reading?" he asked.

"N..Nothing! Just a book!" Al said, closing it and trying to hide it.

"Let me see it!" Ed said, trying in vain to grab the book out of his brothers reach.

"No! You'll just laugh at me!" Al replied.

"Don't be stupid! Just let me see it!"

"No!"

"Al! Stop being stubborn!"

They wrestled around for awhile, until Ed managed to steal the book from Al's grasp.

"Alice in Wonderland?" Ed said in surprise. "What is this?"

"Like I said, it's just a book and I'd like to continue reading it."

Ed flipped through the pages glancing at the illustrations and reading some of the story.

"This book doensn't make any sense! Talking animals, living playing cards, size changing...None of it makes any sense at all!"

Al grabbed the book back and quickly found his place again saying, "Not everything has to make sense all the time. Sometimes it's nice to just forget about the problems in your life and let your mind accept the impossible."

"That may work for you, but I prefer normalacy thank you." Ed said leaning his back against the tree.

Talk ceased between the brothers as Al continued reading and Ed stared up at the clouds, through the trees branches. He couldn't see much through the foilage and he soon fell asleep. He hadn't been asleep for more then ten seconds before he heard Al's voice crying out, "I'm late!"

Ed instantly jumped up and looked around for Al.

"Al! What's wrong? Where are you?"

His question was soon answered as he saw Al running off into the distance, heading for the library. Ed gave

chase, wondering why his brother suddenly started running like that. He managed to catch up to him and was greeted with a very strange sight. Al appeared to be wearing Bunny Ears! Upon further inspection, Ed noticed a small cotton tail on him.

"Al...What the hell are you wearing?" Ed yelled.

"Can't stop to talk! I'm going to be late!" Al said, ignoring his brother's question and running on.

"Al! Wait! I can't keep up!" Ed yelled in desperation as Al ran ahead of him.

The chase continued all through East City until they came to the steps of the Library. Without missing a

beat, Al ran up the stairs and threw open the doors of the library, running inside. Ed soon followed him.

"Wait until I get my hands on him! What does he think he's doing running around like a maniac?" Ed

grumbled as he reached the doors.

As soon as Ed crossed the threshold he found himself falling down a hole! He yelled in surprise as he plummeted downward in what would be a fatal landing. As he was bracing himself for the landing, he noticed something very peculiar. He was falling very slowly.

"This is wierd. With all this Automail weight, I should be falling like a lead balloon!"

Since he knew he wasn't going to die, Ed looked at his surroundings and saw the hole was covered in shelves upon shelves of books!

"I guess this should be expected, seeing as how I'm technically in the library...Wait a mintue! What am I saying? None of this makes any sense! How did a hole this deep get in the library? It was fine yesterday when I came in here..."

Ed's musings were cut short as he saw a small bottle floating next to him. After the run, he was parched so he grabbed and opened it. He was about to drink it when he saw the label. On it was a picture of a cow! Meaning only one thing: This was milk!

"BLECH! Not even if I was dieing of thirst!" Ed yelled chucking the bottle downward.

Instead of obeying the laws of physics, the bottle floated serenely upward past Ed.

And Ed fell, and fell, and fell...and fell, and fell, and fell...and fell some more. Just as he thought he was going to go crazy from all the falling, gravity kicked in at last and sent him plummeting the last ten feet, causing him to land on his butt.

"Ouch! Damn, that hurt! Well, at least I'm not falling anymore."

Ed stood up and looked around him. He appeared to be in a small room with absolutely nothing in it. A hallway went a short distance before ending in a large door.

Suddenly, Al came running past Ed no longer clutching his book but a gold pocket watch. Before Ed could say anything, Al was down the hall and through the door.

"Why his he in such a rush? And doesn't he notice all the weird things going on here?" Ed questioned.

He sighed and ran down the hall to the door pulling it open. Much to his surprise, Ed found another smaller door behind it. He opened that one and another smaller door appeared. So it went for another four doors, until only a small crawlspace was left. Ed got through it with ease, due to his small size.

Ending Note: And that's the first chapter! I appreciate reviews and constructive criticism. Flames will be ignored completely, so don't send them! Expect the next chapter sometime next week. (If my schedule allows it!)


	2. In the Bizarre Room

Thank you for your reviews! Remember: Reviews breed chapters!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and while we're on the subject, I don't own Alice in Wonderland either.

Ed stood up and looked around the room he was currently in. He was in an enormous

circular room, at least twenty feet in diameter and twenty feet in height. Five doors were placed around the room spaced by five feet. The only light in the room came from a domed skylight filtering white light into the room. Ed assumed the light was artificial. After all, how could sunlight reach so far underground? Suddenly, he saw a glint of metal out of the corner of his eye and quickly turned to look. A small curtain rustled as though something had moved it aside and quickly twitched it back into place. Ed ran over to the curtain and yanked it open revealing a small door approximately five inches in height.

"What the…What kind of door is this?" Ed wondered trying to open it. "Looks like it's locked! Hmmmm…."

Ed looked around the room and saw, standing in the center, a small three legged table.

"That wasn't there before. Where did it come from?"

Upon closer inspection, he found it to be made entirely out of glass! Even stranger, was a small bottle on it which had a tag around its neck that read: Drink Me.

"Yeah, that would be smart!" Ed scoffed, picking the bottle up and looking it over. "I guess it doesn't look like any kind of poison."

He uncorked the bottle and tentatively smelled it.

"It doesn't smell like anything dangerous. Kinda smells like punch! Aw well, I'm thirsty and it doesn't seem dangerous, so bottoms up!"

And so Ed quickly drained the small bottle. Almost instantly his body felt strange. His skin grew hot and feverish and he thought he really had drunk poison! Then he felt a swoop in his stomach, like an elevator that suddenly jerked downward. Ed felt as though he _was _going down in an elevator. The entire room seemed to expand around him, the tiny door quickly becoming normal sized. After a few seconds, his head cleared and Ed tried to get his bearings.

"Am I hallucinating?" he asked himself, looking around at the now enormous room.

"Of course you're not hallucinating!" A voice said, making Ed jump.

Ed slowly turned around and gasped. Standing where the door had been was none other then Envy!

"What are you doing here?" Ed yelled.

"Please, there's no need to shout! By the way, do you always talk to yourself like that? It's not normal you know, people are going to start thinking you're a little disturbed." Envy stated, tapping his finger against his head.

"Answer my question! What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm the door!"

Envy's form instantly changed back into the door.

"Wait a minute, that can't be right! I thought you could only turn into other people! You can't turn into a door! That's not normal!"

Envy turned back into his base form and said, "You just chased a suit of armor that looked like a rabbit down a hole in the library and drank a bottle of punch that made you shrink to three inches tall. What about this whole ordeal is normal?"

Ed didn't quite know what to say to that. He pondered it for a few seconds before shaking his head.

"I don't care! Just answer one question: Did Al come by this way?"

"Why I believe he did!"

"Great! Now move so I can go after him!"

Ed tried to move around him, but Envy pushed his hand against his forehead and held him back.

"Not so fast small fry! Did I forget to mention I'm locked?"

Ed tried to grab Envy's arm, but he stepped back and turned back into a door. Ed grabbed the doorknob and began to violently twist it back and forth, trying to open it and failing miserably.

"So where's the key?" He yelled, banging on the door.

A mouth appeared where the keyhole was and said, "Look on the table!"

Ed looked and saw a small golden key sitting right where the bottle used to be.

"And just how the hell am I supposed to get to that?" Ed asked, but Envy was being silent.

Fuming, Ed stalked up to the table leg and tried to climb it, but the glass was far to slippery and he slid down onto the ground.

"Fine! Then I'll just transmute it!"

Ed clapped his hands together and touched one of the table legs. Nothing happened. Ed tried it again and again, but to no avail.

"Why isn't this working?" Ed yelled out.

"Ahem!"

Ed turned back to the door and saw a small sign had appeared on it. It said: No Alchemy Allowed!

"So how am I supposed to get the key?"

The mouth appeared again. "Try the box!"

With growing impatience Ed looked for the box and saw it standing between two of the table legs. He opened it and revealed a red crushed velvet interior with several small cookies in it each which had a different colored frosting shaped into the words: Eat Me.

"Eh, why not? What could a cookie possibly do?" Ed said picking one with blue frosting and taking a bite.

Once again, Ed's body felt strange. The hot and feverish feeling came back with another strange swoop this one feeling like and elevator that suddenly jerked upward. Ed's perspective swiftly changed as he began growing back to normal size. Strangely, when he reached normal size he kept right on growing! Soon he was standing at Al's height and still he continued growing. In a few minutes his head was wedged inside the little dome in the ceiling, totally cutting off all light.

"I know I always wanted to be taller, but this is ridiculous!" Ed muttered trying in vain to pull his head free. He heard a tiny slithering sound and looked down as best he could to see Envy had struck a match and was lighting a candelabra.

"Well now looks like someone had too much of a good thing!" He said and chuckled at his own joke.

"Shut up! You just wait until I get my head free! RRRGH!" Ed yelled straining as hard as he could.

"Ooh, I'm shaking! I'm so afraid of the overgrown pipsqueak!" Envy taunted, laughing at Ed.

Ed continued to struggle to no avail kicking out at Envy who was always just out of striking distance. Finally, he wore himself out and just stood there panting, sweat dripping off his face and pattering like rain onto the tile of the room.

"Are you done yet? I'm bored." Envy said fanning himself. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" A large drop hit him directly on the head. "What was that? Is it raining in here?"

Drop after drop of Ed's sweat fell from his giant height and the room was quickly filling up with his sweat.

"This is disgusting!" Envy said, wading through knee high sweat. He pulled out a fan and switched it on, pointing it at Ed. Strangely enough, the fan seemed to have an effect on him. He quickly stopped sweating and felt his head come unstuck. Light poured back into the room as Ed quickly shrank back down to normal size. But whatever was causing him to shrink wasn't done yet. He continued downward until he was a paltry inch tall. The open door was causing a current and Ed's tiny form was quickly pulled past Envy and through the door. Envy just saw a flash of red before Ed disappeared through the door.

"Well, looks like my job is done. Now it's up to Gluttony and Lust. Hopefully they don't screw up!"

And with that, Envy disappeared.

Ending Note: And that brings us to the end of the second chapter! I'm sorry it took so long to get up. I've been really busy with work and school so I haven't had a lot of free time. Look for the next chapter in a few weeks. Please review, but don't flame. I will ignore the flaming!


	3. Thank God He Doesn't Have a Twin!

Thank you for your replies! Here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Alice in Wonderland. But just imagine if I did!

The current carried the reduced Edward far away from the door, dragging him deeper and deeper into this strange ocean. Even without the current, staying afloat would have been nearly impossible due to his automail, but Ed fought nonetheless. Just when he thought he wouldn't be able to stand it another second, he was washed up on shore. He took a great shuddering breath and collapsed. He lay there for awhile, catching his breath. Finally, he sat up and looked around him. He appeared to be on the edge of a forest, a lone path winding through it. A sign was posted near the path. Ed walked over and read it.

"Beware the twins Alexander and Luis. I wonder what that means? And I wonder where Al went. He could be anywhere by now!" Ed sighed and began to remove his clothes. "I guess I should at least dry my clothes off before moving on."

He stripped down to his boxers and strung his clothes on top of a nearby branch and quickly made a fire. He flopped on his back and stared at the sky. The events in the ocean finally began to catch up with him and he closed his eyes, gently falling asleep. That sleep was short lived, however, as he was quickly woken up by a loud crashing in the brush. He jumped up and got into a defensive posture, just in case he'd need to fight. Suddenly, a huge man came crashing through the underbrush, and would have trampled right over Ed if he hadn't jumped clear at the last second. It was then, Ed got a good look at him.

"Major Armstrong? What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you that question! Why are you trespassing in my forest?"

"I just washed up on shore, I didn't know you lived here…wait a minute! Are you the only one who lives here?"

"In this part of the forest, yes."

"Then why does that sign say "Beware the twins Alexander and Luis?"

"Because I, Alexander Luis Armstrong, have the power, technique, and charisma of two men!"

Ed was promptly showered by a stream of pink sparkles.

"That's just great." He said, backing away slowly. "But I've really got to go find my brother. See ya!"

Ed tried to run away, but was grabbed from behind. Major Armstrong picked him up and set him on a log.

"You can't leave just yet! You've obviously come to my forest to hear one of my stories! Storytelling has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

"No, really, that's okay! I'm in a rush, so I'll just be leaving."

Ed started to stand up, only to get shoved back down by Major Armstrong.

"Life is too short to rush through it! If you don't take time to see what's going on in the present, you'll surely miss something important in the future!"

Ed realized he was fighting a losing battle. His best bet would be to just listen until his captor started the story, then he could slip away while he was distracted.

"This is how I wanted to spend my day off," Ed grumbled. "Nearly naked and listening to this idiot babble about something from the 'Armstrong line'."

"I fondly remember a story my father once told me about am alchemist who was unlucky with the ladies, a problem I myself have never had trouble with, I might add, and tried to create a companion using alchemy. He tried again and again, but couldn't seem to get it right. Finally, he decided to stop messing around with non living material and used actual people. 'This is the gravest part of the story, and it teaches a valuable lesson' my father told me. I listened well and he continued the story. He tried again and again using different women with different personalities. Finally, failing each time, he looked around him at all the suffering he had created and took his own life. A tear always sprang to my eye at the end! Isn't that the most powerful story you've ever heard?"

Ed looked up at him disbelievingly. "Are you kidding? It's ridiculous! There's no way he could have gotten away with using so many human transmutations. It's taboo in alchemy and he would have been killed. He sounds like an idiot!"

"That's not the point! Don't you see?"

"No and I don't care! I'm getting out of here!"

Ed quickly redressed and left the shocked major behind.

"What a waste of time that was! I'd better find Al soon, or else this place is going to make me go insane!"

Since he was so busy grumbling to himself, Ed failed to notice the book in his path, and tripped over it.

"Dammit! Who leaves a book in the middle of a path like that anyway?"

He picked up the book and found it was a beginner book on alchemy. A little further down the path he saw another book. He stood up and grabbed this one too. It was a slightly more advanced volume on alchemy. He continued down the path and he happened upon more and more books. Soon he had a small stack balanced in his arms. Soon after he had picked up his eight book, Ed came upon a large desk with a slot in it. A sign above it said:

"Please return books in the slot. Thank you."

"How'd a desk get all the way out here? I suppose weirder things have happened today."

Ed shrugged and sent each book down the slot. A sound like a small bell ringing accompanied each book as it entered the slot. After the eight one was sent down, another small book appeared in the 'Out' basket on the desk. Ed picked it up. There was no title, author, or anything else descriptive about the book, so he opened it to a page at random. It was a picture of a small cottage surrounded by a picket fence. A small nameplate was attached to the door with a capital A and the last name of Elric on it. Before Ed could do anything else, the picture began to look three dimensional. The more he stared at it, the more realistic it became, until it looked as though he was watching the house through a television screen and not just looking at a picture.

"This can't be real…" Ed whispered as he touched the picture.

As soon as his gloved fingers touched the picture, Ed felt his entire body jerk, and fall forward directly into the picture. He tumbled head over heels landing hard on his back in front of the cottage.

"Okay…that hurt…" Ed said completely winded.

He was just getting up and dusting himself off, when the door to the cottage flung open and Al appeared, still wearing the rabbit ears and tail.

"Oh thank goodness!" He said. "I'm so glad you're here Winry!"

Ending Note: And that's the end of chapter three! Sorry for the huge delay between chapters. I really can't say when the next one will be up, so enjoy this one!


	4. Adventure in Al's House

And I'm back again, with the next chapter to my story! Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist unfortunately.

Ed stared at his brother in disbelief.

"Winry?" he said. "DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL TO YOU?

Al approached his snarling brother and said, "Well…kinda. I mean, you are short like a girl, you do have long braided hair, and you're wearing gloves like I've seen Winry wear. So you must be her!"

Ed didn't quite know what to say to that. It was disturbing enough that his own brother had mistaken him for their childhood friend. But before he had time to orchestrate a response, Al was talking again.

"Regardless, I'm glad you're here! I need you to find my gauntlets." He held up his arms and Ed saw the gauntlets to the suit of armor were missing. "You took them off to polish them before I went to visit teacher and you never gave them back. So I'd appreciate it if you found them for me."

"But I'm not Winry! I don't know where you're gauntlets are!"

Al wasn't listening. He pushed Ed towards the open door, shoved him inside, and closed the door.

"Just find my gauntlets please."

Ed sighed and looked around him. It was a simple enough cottage. The kitchen was through the door on his right, with a few boxes scattered on the table, and the sink filled with water. The living room was to his right and there was an armchair and a love seat set around a coffee table with a few books opened on it. A lot more books were in the bookshelf against the far wall. Directly ahead of him lay a stairway leading upstairs and to the bedrooms.

"Knowing Winry, she probably left the gauntlets on her workbench. The sooner I help Al, the sooner we can both get out of here!"

So Ed climbed the stairs and saw three doors. One led to Al's room, according to a nameplate hanging next to it, and was locked. The one across from Al's room was just a storage closet where a bunch of Winry's extra tools were located. The last room was Winry's and Ed immediately entered it. The bed was made and set in a corner next to a nightstand with several small pieces of machinery and a few small tools, including a screwdriver and hammer. Apparently Winry liked to work on metal, even in bed! A large workbench with several shelves completely covered in metal works and tools, took up an entire wall to itself. A closet was open revealing even more pieces of metal and broken or half fixed machinery. Ed began to search the workbench.

"Jeez! How can anyone find anything on this table? It's a mystery to me how Winry can work like this!"

But his search was not in vain! For on a shelf he found the gauntlets! He grabbed them and started to leave. Just as he reached the door, however, he noticed Winry had left her lunch on the table. Half a sandwich lay on a plate next to a glass of milk and a shiny apple. Ed didn't want to eat the sandwich, and he'd rather die then drink milk, so he grabbed the apple and took a bite. This bite, however, proved to be a mistake in this strange world. The "caught in an elevator going up" sensation returned and Ed soon found his head hitting the ceiling!

"Aw crap! Not this again!"

Ed quickly sat down as he continued to grow. As he continued to fill the room, Al, with his back turned to the house, was still waiting for him to come back down when who should appear, but Winry! Al glanced at her, then did a double take as he realized who was coming up the path!

"Winry? What are you doing here?"

"Don't you remember? I told you I was going to pick up some more tools for the project I'm working on." She pulled out a wrench. "See?"

"But if you're out here...then who's in the house?"

"You let a stranger in the house?"

"I thought it was you!"

"What did they look like?"

"Well, she was short, had long braided hair, and was wearing gloves!"

"Hey, that does sorta sound like me…"

"I'd better go after her and make sure she isn't doing anything to our house!"

Al ran inside the cottage and up the stairs. He threw open the door to Winry's room and came face to face with Ed's boot. He quickly turned around and tried to run, but the boot came crashing through the door, and carried him down with it! He flew out the door and nearly landed on Winry when Ed stopped growing. Ed now totally filled the cottage with his arms sticking out of opposite windows and his right foot through the door while his left foot was through a wall. A small window was near his eyes, so he could see out. A large metal object suddenly sailed through the air and landed at Winry's feet.

"NOOOOOO! MY PROJECT!"

"Uh-oh…" Al said looking at Winry's reddening face.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Winry let out a battle cry and began to mercilessly attack Ed's boot with the wrench. Ed reflexively kicked out and knocked her down.

"Don't just stand there Al! Help me!"

"DID SOMEONE CALL FOR HELP?"

Al, Winry, and Ed all sweat dropped at the sudden appearance of the sparkly Major Armstrong.

"Uh…well…" was all Winry managed to say before being interrupted.

"Say no more! I, Alex Luis Armstrong, shall help you with any problem that should come your way!"

"Then can you please take care of that?" Al said indicating his cottage and the various limbs sticking out of it.

"Of course! Behold! The power of lifting passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

Armstrong grabbed Ed's left boot in both arms and began to tug it upwards. After several minutes of huffing and pulling all he managed to do was tear off Ed's boot.

"Hmmm…This may be harder than I thought…"

"Um, Major Armstrong?" Al said. "If it isn't too much trouble I'm in a bit of a hurry so if you could speed this up a little…"

"There's only one alternative! We must tear the house down!"

"Yes! Great! Tear the…Wait a minute. You can't tear down my house!" Al exclaimed trying to stop the Major.

"Nonsense!" He said knocking Al over. "Just sit back and watch the Strongarm Alchemist do his work!"

With that, Major Armstrong slipped on his own gloves, picked up a rock and smashed it, causing the spikes to shoot out and tear off several tiles of the roof, break a window, and nearly decimate an entire wall!

"I've gotta find some way out of here or he's going to kill me!" Ed thought, looking around for something, anything that would return him to normal size. He couldn't find anything in the room, so he reached around outside looking for anything edible. His fingers touched what appeared to be a green house. He broke the glass, which was impossible to hear over Armstrong's destructive redecorating and Al's cries of horror, and grabbed a vegetable. He pulled it up to his mouth and managed to eat it. Almost instantly, he began to shrink, his limbs pulling back inside the cottage. Unfortunately it worked too well and Ed was now only inches tall. And missing one boot! He managed to run to the stairs and created a wooden slide with alchemy and slid out the front door. He came outside in just enough time to see Al pull out a pocket watch.

"I've got to go! I'm already late as it is!"

"But Al!" Winry called. "You don't have your hands!"

"I'll come back for them!" he shouted back. "If I'm late to see teacher she'll kill me!"

And with that, he was gone.

"Well my work here is done." Armstrong said, nodding. "If you ever need my assistance again just call!"

"I've got to chase after Al!" Ed said running into the grass.

Winry was now alone with a half demolished house, a giant boot in the front yard, and a bag full of tools.

"I suppose I'd better start fixing the house." She sighed.

Ending Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll put the next one up as soon as I can.


	5. Mushrooms and Miniskirts

I appreciate the nice reviews people have been giving my first story on Now here's the next part!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Alice in Wonderland.

Ed tried his hardest to keep up with Al, but he was far too small to give chase. Al was soon lost to his sight and he was soon lost within the jungle of grass. He stopped running to catch his breath.

"How could things get any worse?" He said to himself.

Now, it's a well known fact not to say these things out loud because as soon as Ed finished saying this, a booming bark filled the area. Ed turned around and saw Lt. Hawkeye's little dog staring down at him with interest. He wasn't a very big dog by any means but to Ed he was enormous. He wagged his tail, tongue hanging out, and advanced towards Ed. Ed looked wildly around for anything to use to distract him. But there was nothing that was small enough for him to use. Soon, the dog was chasing after Ed as he ran behind a thistle plant. The dog ran straight into it however and he bounced back pawing at his hurt nose and whining. Ed felt bad for the dog and walked over to him. The dog was bent over, trying to get the thistles out, when Ed clapped his hands and placed them on the dog's nose. Instantly the thistles all fell out in a crackle of light. The dog licked Ed and bounded away, happy again.

"That's…disgusting…" Ed said, covered in dog drool.

As Ed continued walking through the grass, he eventually dried off. But he was still lost and was starting to think he'd never find his way out of here.

"If I could find something to eat or drink maybe I could change back to normal." He thought.

Ed paused for a moment as he realized how absurd that sounded. Just a few hours ago he would've laughed at himself for thinking that eating or drinking something could change someone's size. But that was before this whole ordeal began.

As he mused on, he was unaware of a smacking, garbling sound coming from far away. It soon became to loud to ignore, however, and Ed followed the sounds to a small clearing in the grass. In the center of the clearing was a large mushroom. On the top of the mushroom something was eating away at it. Ed walked over to the edge and tried to see over, but was too small. Growling in annoyance, he clapped his hands touched the mushroom. The stem instantly grew steps for Ed to use to climb on top. Once there, he saw Gluttony eating the mushroom. Ed remembered his last encounter with a homunculus and wasn't about to deal with another one! He turned to leave when Gluttony said, "Wait. I have a question."

Ed turned around and said, "What is it?"

"Who are you?" Gluttony said, putting his finger in his mouth and tilting his head.

"You know damn well who I am!" Ed yelled.

"You don't have to be mean. Just a question." Gluttony replied.

"Well, if that's all you wanted to ask me then I'm leaving."

"Not yet. One more question."

"What?" Ed asked.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm trying to find my brother, who is currently over twenty times my size and get out of this freak show!" Ed shouted, losing his patience.

"Stop yelling! You're mean!"

"I don't care! I'm outta here!"

And with that, Ed left in a huff. When he was a ways away from Gluttony and the mushroom, he heard Gluttony yell out, "Wait! I forgot! Something important to say!"

Ed looked back and saw Gluttony waving at him from on top of a flower stalk. Ed really, really didn't want to go back, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he did have something important to say.

"I don't have any other leads right now." He thought. "I guess it couldn't hurt to see what he wants."

So he trekked back and found Gluttony serenely munching on more of the mushroom. He turned to look at Ed as he approached the top of the mushroom again.

"So, what is it?" Ed asked.

"What's what?" Gluttony said.

"The important thing you wanted to tell me." Ed replied, getting angry all over again.

"I forget." Gluttony said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm leaving now. Bye-bye."

And with that, he jumped off the mushroom and waddled off.

Ed was preparing to leave as well, when he noticed a note tacked onto the mushroom. He picked it up and read it.

"Gluttony-

Don't forget to tell the Fullmetal Pipsqueak about the mushroom. If you do, I'll twist your arm off and beat you over the head with it!

Don't screw up!

Envy"

Ed sweat dropped at the threatening note and looked the mushroom over.

"Maybe this thing will help me get back to normal." Ed said to himself.

He grabbed a chunk of it and tore it off. He took a very small bite and waited to see what would happen. If anything. Nothing did. He ripped off a chunk from a different part of the mushroom and was about to eat some of that, when he felt himself growing again. He jumped off the mushroom as he swiftly returned to his regular size. He still had the two bits of mushroom so he stored them in his pockets and moved on. Within minutes he saw a small house, more like a dollhouse, that was only a foot high. The door opened and Ed saw Al, now only a few inches tall, run away from the house. Ed tried to see where he was going, but he disappeared in the grass. He sighed and looked down at the house. The door was opening again and this time Maria Ross exited. To make things stranger, she appeared to be in military uniform but it had been tailored into a miniskirt. She also had knee high stockings and little black shoes as opposed to military boots. Ed pulled out a bit of the mushroom and took a small bite. Almost instantly he began to shrink until he was "normal size" to Ross. He approached her and said, "What are you doing here?"

"I was delivering a message for the Fuhrer to the teacher who lives here."

"Why are you wearing a miniskirt if you're in the military."

Ross blushed slightly and said, "This is new standard military dress! I'd thank you not to make fun of me!"

With that, she moved around Ed and left. He couldn't help it. As she left he laughed his head off at her. Seeing someone like Ross in a miniskirt was hilarious!

"The only thing funnier than her in a miniskirt would be Lt. Hawkeye in one!"

His laughing abruptly ended as he heard a yell and a crash inside the house. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He knocked again, louder. Still nothing. So he opened the door and went inside. It was extremely hot inside the house and the yelling was even louder. It seemed to be coming from the kitchen. Ed peeked inside and saw a terrible sight!

Ending Note: That's all for now. Once again, I'd like to thank everyone who's read and reviewed this, my first story on I'll get the next part up as soon as I can.


	6. So Many Questions, So Few Answers

Well, no one's reviewed since the last chapter, but that's not stopping me from continuing this story. So here's the next chapter.

Inside the small kitchen was his teacher Izumi Curtis, her husband Sig Curtis, and the homunculus Wrath. Izumi and Wrath were obviously fighting over something. They were making an awful noise and Edward wondered how Sig could just stand by the counter and ignore them both. He turned his attention back to his teacher and saw a plate come whizzing right at him! He ducked and the plate shattered behind him.

"Now look at what you've done!" Izumi shouted, clapping her hands together and placing them on the floor.

The floor heaved under Izumi's hands and a hand grabbed at Wrath.

"I haven't done anything!" Wrath shouted back, dodging the hand. "You threw the plate!"

Edward entered the kitchen and was about to approach his teacher when a sultry voice said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Ed spun around and saw Lust sitting on the counter, legs crossed.

Ed groaned and put a hand to his head. Too many homunculi! He was starting to get a headache.

"I suppose Gluttony told you about the mushroom then?"

Ed nodded.

"Then Envy twisted his arm off for nothing." Lust said, looking Edward up and down.

"What do you want anyway?" Ed asked her, ducking as a butcher knife flew overhead.

"Nothing really. Well, nothing that you need to worry about anyway."

"What's going on here anyway? What is this place? How are you and Envy the only ones who recognize me? Why is everyone acting like this?"

"My, you are full of questions aren't you? This place we're in is nothing more than your own imagination. Believe it or not, this whole thing is real and yet unreal. Gluttony is dimwitted and distracted when he saw you so that explains his confusion. I suppose you want to leave here then don't you?"

"I intend to as soon as I find Al."

"I could show you the way you know. Meet me outside in the forest. All paths point to Central you know." She smiled as she said this, sliding off the counter.

Ed was about to question her again when a bright blew light appeared over where Izumi and Wrath were fighting. Ed looked over there and saw Wrath's hands pressed against the wall, transmuted together so he couldn't perform any alchemy. Izumi sighed and sat down, picking up the letter Ross left her. She slit it up and pulled out a single sheet of paper. Her eyes scanned it quickly and a frown creased her face. When she was done, she crumpled the paper up and tossed it into the wastebasket.

"I'm going out." She said simply, getting up and heading towards the exit. It was at this time that she finally noticed Edward. They stared at each other and Ed felt a jolt in his mind. He felt certain Izumi would recognize him. Positive in fact.

"And who," she said. "Are you?"

Edward's heart sank as he realized she didn't know him.

"It doesn't matter." She said. "I'm in a hurry. The Fuhrer invited me to Central."

"The Fuhrer?" Ed said. "Why would you care if the Fuhrer asked you anywhere?"

"It's for a special event that's taking place in Central. Invite only. It must be something worth seeing." She said, exiting the kitchen.

As Edward watched his teacher leave, Wrath was trying his hardest to free himself from the wall. But Izumi's transmutation proved too powerful and he was soon worn out. Ed paid him no attention and just followed Izumi. As soon as he exited the house, however, he saw she was no where in sight. He stepped away from the house and bit into some of the growth mushroom. He returned to his regular height and walked back into the woods. He'd only gone a few steps, when he saw a signpost. An arrow that read 'Hughes' was pointing down the left path while an arrow that read 'Central' was pointing down the right path.

"Can't decide?"

Ed looked up and saw Lust sitting in a tree watching him.

"Which one leads out of here?" Ed asked.

"They both do, and yet, neither of them does." Lust said, shrugging her shoulders.

"What do you mean? One way must lead out of here, so which is it?"

"Which do you think? Do you think you'll have better luck in Central or with Hughes?"

"I don't care which way I go as long as I go out of this place!" Ed yelled, losing his patience.

"Temper, temper. If you really don't care why not visit Hughes? I hear there's a special occasion at his house."

"Fine. I think I will." Ed said, walking down the left path.

As soon as he was out of sight, Lust jumped down from the tree she had been sitting in walked down the right path.

"It's almost done. Envy and Gluttony should already be in Central. If Wrath can get free he might be there as well. The boy will get there soon enough. After all, all roads lead to Central."

She continued down the path, smiling to herself.

Ending Note: If anyone's still reading this then thank you for taking time to read it and drop a note in the review section please. Even a phrase will do. Just a quick, "I liked it", "I hated it", or "I'm indifferent to it." Thank you again and I'll have the next chapter as soon as possible.


	7. A Mad Birthday Party

Thank you so much for the review! I'm now ready to move on to the next chapter.

The path leading to the Hughes Residence wasn't very long and the house was soon in sight. Ed knocked on the door and waited for an answer. When none came, he knocked again, harder. Still no one answered. He went to a window and saw no one was inside the house at all. He was about to give up and just go to Central, when he heard someone laughing. At this time, he noticed a small fence with a gate in it. The gate swung open easily and Ed entered the backyard. The first thing he noticed was a large table stretching from one end of the yard to the other. At least twenty different chairs were seated around the table and each chair had a plate, knife, fork, spoon, and glass next to it. On the table were at least a dozen different cakes, each with a different icing and a presumably different flavor. Tea pots and cream jars and jam jars and sugar pots and dishes of butter and pieces of bread, as well as several different snack items were scattered amongst the cakes. Yet even though there was this many different foods, and this many different places set, only three people were sitting at the far end of the table. Ed instantly recognized Hughes and his daughter Elicia, but he couldn't place the third person. Whoever it was, her head was face down on the table and she was wearing a military uniform. Before Ed could say or do anything, Hughes noticed he was standing there and immediately came over to him.

"Excuse me, but do you have an invitation?" He asked.

"An invitation to what?" Ed asked.

"Why, to my darling daughter Elicia's birthday of course!" He yelled, beaming. "She's turning three today!"

"That's great, but I don't think I…" Ed started.

"Nonsense!" Hughes said, grabbing Ed's arm. "Come on over and celebrate with us!"

Ed was helpless to resist Hughes as he dragged him over to the far end of the table. When they got there, Hughes pushed Ed into the nearest chair and sat back down himself. He then cut a piece of one cake and gave it to Ed.

"Uh…Thanks." Ed said, looking at the cake.

"Go ahead and try it! My wife Gracia worked so hard to make it."

Ed really didn't want to eat the cake. After all, eating in this place was kind of dangerous for him. But he didn't need to worry, because Elicia suddenly pointed at a clock on the table and yelled out, "Next party!"

Immediately, Hughes and Elicia jumped up and began moving down the table. The girl with her head down didn't move and neither did Ed. So Hughes came back and dragged them both to a new part of the table. Once they were there, Hughes cut another piece of cake and gave it to Ed.

"You already gave me some cake." Ed said.

"That was at a different party! You have to try this cake! My wife Gracia spent hours making it!" Hughes said again.

"But I just…" Ed tried to say.

"Can I open my presents now Papa?" Elicia asked, bouncing in her seat.

"Of course you can!" Hughes said, reaching under the table. "Here you go! This one's from your mom and I."

Elicia ripped open the gift and gasped in joy at the little toy mouse she had just received.

"Thank you so much!" She said, hugging Hughes.

"What about you Sheska?" Hughes asked looking at the girl with her head down.

Ed looked over at her as she groaned and lifted her head. Sure enough, it was Sheska. But her military outfit, like Ross', had been altered into a miniskirt!

"Mr. Hughes please!" She begged. "I already gave Elicia her present six hours ago!"

"Different party!" Hughes said brightly.

"They're all the same!" She yelled throwing up her hands. "I just came here to deliver this message to you from the Fuhrer! I need to get back to Central!"

"What's your rush? There's still a lot of food left!"

"Next party!" Elicia called out.

Once more, Hughes and Elicia got up and, once more, Hughes dragged Ed and Sheska to a new spot.

"Did you know my daughter can sing?" Hughes said, cutting more cake.

"I think you might have mentioned it once." Ed said, trying to sift through all the compliments Hughes had made about his daughter.

"Why don't you show them Elicia!"

"Okay!" She jumped up on her chair and cleared her throat.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star! How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high! Like a diamond in the sky! Twinkle, twinkle little star! How I wonder what you are!"

Immediately following her little recital, Hughes clapped like crazy, tears streaming down his face.

"Beautiful! Absolutely wonderful!"

"That's the fifty-eighth time she's sang that song." Sheska whispered to Ed. "I think I'm going to go crazy!"

"Why does he keep repeating things like this?" Ed asked Sheska.

"That's a funny story!" Hughes burst in. "A few weeks ago, I was chatting to the Fuhrer about Elicia and after a few hours he told me I was 'wasting his time'. When time heard about this, he thought I was _killing _time and so he stopped running for me. So now it's Elicia's third birthday everyday and that's why I have so many places set!"

Ed and Sheska both gave him a blank look.

"But that's impossible!" Ed yelled, standing up. "None of this makes any sense! Are you both crazy?"

Elicia began to cry said, "He yelled at me Papa!"

Hughes stood up slowly and pulled out a pistol. He cocked it slowly and pointed it at Ed

"No one makes my little girl cry!" He said and began firing.

Ed and Sheska both screamed and ran from the hail of lead screaming after them.

"You're insane!" Ed yelled, dodging bullets.

"Just keep running!" Sheska said, nearly tripping.

Ed clapped his hands and placed them on the ground. A wall rose up and cut off the bullets.

"That was close!" Sheska said, collapsing on the ground, out of breath.

"Why are we there anyway?" Ed asked, sitting down next to her.

"I was supposed to deliver a message from the Fuhrer. He wanted to have Mr. Hughes attend this event in Central." Sheska explained.

"My teacher got an invitation like that too." Ed said, thinking hard. "What is this event anyway?"

Sheska shrugged and said, "I don't know. I was just sent to deliver the message."

"One more question." Ed said, as they both stood up. "Why are you wearing a miniskirt?"

Sheska immediately blushed and said, "This is new standard military wear! Please don't make fun of me!"

And with that, she left. Ed sighed and looked around. None of this was making any sense and the more he learned about the events in this place the stranger it seemed.

"I guess I have no choice." He said. "I have to go to Central."

Ending Note: Thank you again for reviewing my story! We're coming to the end of this story soon. Just a few more chapters to go!


	8. Military Miniskirts For All!

Oh, I'm so happy to get so many reviews! Thank you all so much! Here's the next chapter!

As Ed traveled down the road to Central, he had time to pander his situation. What was this "special event" in Central? Why would the Fuhrer change the standard military uniform to a miniskirt? He didn't seem like he'd do something that ridiculous.

"It sounds like something that the Colonel would do…"

Ed stopped dead in his tracks as a new thought struck him. What if Mustang, in this screwed up place, was the Fuhrer?

"No…that can't be possible…can it?" Ed wondered.

He was now extremely apprehensive about going to Central but he knew he had no choice. So he forced himself to continue onward. It didn't take long for him to exit the forest and see Central in the distance.

"Going to Central after all I see." A familiar voice said, close by.

Ed glanced to his right and saw Lust was walking next to him.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" he said.

"I knew you would. All roads lead to Central." Lust replied.

"What does that mean exactly?" Ed asked.

Lust smiled and said, "It means exactly what it sounds like."

They walked on in silence for awhile, until Lust spoke up again.

"I'll bet you're wondering about that "special event" right?"

Ed, who had been thinking exactly that, said, "No."

"Well, you'll find out what that's all about regardless of whether or not you care. Maybe I'll see you there."

Ed, who had been watching the road ahead of him intently, ignoring Lust, looked over at her only to discover she had disappeared. A cold feeling washed over him. The homunculi made him feel uneasy and she had seemed like she was trying to tell him something…

All of these conflicting thoughts were driven from his mind as he saw he had arrived in Central. As he walked into the city limits he noticed something very strange. Several paths were leading away from Central with a sign marking each one. The one nearest to him said: Bizarre Room. Another, not far from the first, read: Lotus Forest (Beware Alex and Louis). Yet another said: Al and Winry's Cottage. Ed read sign after sign each pointing to a place he'd already been. Izumi and Sig's House. Hughes Residence. Even one that lead to the Forest Library Desk.

"All roads lead to Central…" Ed muttered to himself, running a hand over one sign.

If Central was his ticket out of this place, had he really been so close? Could he have, at any time, just left the main path and made it to Central? There was only one way to find out. He had to see the Fuhrer, whoever he may be.

As Ed walked through Central City, the strangest sight yet met his eyes. Everything was…normal. It was as if Ed had somehow stepped back into reality. There was a couple as they left a jewelry shop, and a small boy and his grandmother looking at toys displayed in a window. Not getting his hopes up, he went straight to Central HQ and saw proof that he was still stuck. Everyone, that he could see, was dressed in military miniskirts and all were female. There was not a single male soldier to be seen anywhere on the premises. In fact, a large group of men were avidly watching the women from behind the large metal fence that surrounded HQ. Some of the women were looking away, embarrassed, while others were flaunting what they had to offer, causing some men to get a nosebleed. Ed rolled his eyes at this display of human idiocy and entered the main building. He made his way to the Fuhrer's office, and got a few stares. This all woman military hadn't seen a male soldier in quite awhile and were wondering what he was doing here. Soon, Ed had a small crowd following him to the Fuhrer's office.

He had expected to see the Fuhrer's secretary sitting at her desk, but a different woman was there. Her uniform was even more provocative then most. Her skirt was slightly shorter then even the tiny miniskirts the others were wearing, and her shirt was altered down to show off her impressive décolletage. Her hear was wavy blond and her nails bright red. She looked up at Ed as he approached.

"Yes sir? How may I help you?"

"I have to see the Fuhrer." Ed said. "It's an emergency."

"I'm sorry, but the Fuhrer is very busy right now." She said, leaning forward. "You'll have to come at another time."

"I'm telling you I have to see him now!" Ed replied.

"And I'm telling you, that it's not possible." She said, breathing deeply. "Come back later."

Most men would have been reduced to a pile of goop at the way this woman was staring, her bosom heaving with every breath. But Ed was not to be denied, and ignored her little games.

He pulled out his watch and said, "Will this let me see him?"

The women surrounding him all gasped and began to whisper. A man in the military? Impossible! The secretary verified the watch and pressed a button on her intercom.

"Excuse me sir, but there's a State Alchemist here to see you."

Everyone waited to see if the Fuhrer would let him in…

No voice came from the small box, but the door swung open. The whispers erupted around the room once again. Ed was prepared for whoever he faced on the other side of that door. He boldly entered the room and the door swung shut behind him. Ed took no notice of the hundreds of books in the Fuhrer's office. His focus was aimed directly at a chair that was turned around, hiding whoever was sitting in it.

"Excuse me, Fuhrer?" Ed began.

Whoever was in the chair didn't say anything. Ed walked forward to the desk and said, "Excuse me." again.

The chair slowly turned around and all of Ed's fears were confirmed.

Colonel Roy Mustang, now Fuhrer King Mustang, was staring intently at him.

Ending Note: I decided to end this one on a Cliff Hanger. I'll try to get the next part of quickly so you won't have to wonder what Roy's "special event" is.


	9. A Near Execution and an Accusation

Alright, moving onwards! Thank you so much for your reviews! Here's the next chapter!

Roy looked at Ed, and Ed stared back in horror. It was like a nightmare. A horrible, terrible, nightmare from which there is no escape! Roy calmly pressed a small button on the intercom and said, "Miss Valens?"

"Yes Fuhrer Mustang?" the secretary's voice responded.

"I thought you told me a State Alchemist was here to see me."

"He is a State Alchemist sir. He has the silver watch as proof."

"Thank you Miss Valens." He let go of the button. "Well? Show me the watch."

Ed pulled out his watch and held it before Mustang. He looked it over and nodded.

"Very well. It seems you are a State Alchemist. But since you're here I take it you haven't heard of my decree?"

"Decree?" Ed said. "What decree?"

"As soon as I became Fuhrer I changed three things. One: I abolished all unnecessary conflict with other nations. Two: I changed the standard military outfits with miniskirts. And three: I discharged all male soldiers and sent them away to a neighboring island on a small boat."

"WHAT?" Ed yelled. "HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING THAT IDIOTIC?"

"If you spent any time around me, you'd know what I always said! Now I finally have my own Militaristic Harem!"

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" Ed yelled pointing a finger at Mustang.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, kid. Now if you'll excuse me I've got an important announcement to make."

And just like that, Roy stood up, walked right by Ed, and exited his office. Ed stared at the door, mouth open for a few minutes. Then he shook his head and chased after Roy. As soon as he stepped outside Roy's office, he noticed there was no one in sight. Even Miss Valens had left her desk. Ed ran outside and saw a large crowd assembled outside Central HQ. They were all looking up at something. Ed ran into the crowd and looked up as well. Roy was standing on a balcony, clearly about to make his announcement.

"People of Central! I, Fuhrer King Mustang, have sent special invites to the people that live outside our wonderful city to come and attend my special event! I'm pleased to announce the First Annual Miss Central Beauty Pageant!"

Instantly, all the men in the crowd cheered as they thought of what was to come, while the women gaped up at Roy, open mouthed. Before anymore could be said, a voice rang out through the crowd.

"WHAT? You dragged me all the way out here for that?"

Ed swung his head around and saw Izumi stepping out of the crowd.

"If you expect me to participate in something so ridiculous, you've got another thing coming!"

"Silence! As Fuhrer, I command you to participate!" Roy yelled back.

"I will not degrade myself in front of the entire city!" She said, clapping her hands.

Izumi walked up to the building and placed her hand on the wall. In a flash of blue light, the wall rippled upwards toward the balcony and caused it to bulge outward, nearly throwing Roy off it into the crowd.

"That's it!" He yelled. "Off with your clothes!"

Riza walked up and whispered something in his ear.

"What? Fine, we'll do it your way. Off with her head!"

The crowd gasped and whispered to each other as another figure stepped out from the crowd. Ed instantly recognized him and the danger he presented.

"Who are you?" Izumi said, preparing for combat.

"I'm the Fuhrer's Executioner. And you are my victim!"

The Executioner pulled his sleeve back revealing the alchemic symbols etched there. They glowed red as he slammed his fist into the ground, causing red bolts of lightning to shatter the pavement in a destructive line towards Izumi. She nimbly jumped out of the way and clapped her hands, placing them on a nearby lamppost, transforming it into a lance. She charged and engaged the Executioner in close quarters combat.

Ed watched in disbelief as this all happened. Not only was Roy Mustang Fuhrer in this crazy place, but the position seemed to not only command the military, but the entire country!

"And why would Scar work with the Colonel when he knows he's a State Alchemist?" Ed put his hands to his head and let out a yell of frustration. "None of this makes any sense!"

Meanwhile, Scar had managed to break apart Izumi's lance and knock her to the ground. He was about to finish her off, when Ed ran forward, clapped his hands, and placed them on the ground, causing a protective shell to form around Izumi.

"That's enough!" He yelled.

Scar glared at him, then turned back to Izumi. He used his arm to blast the shell apart, and grab Izumi by the head. The symbols on his arm glowed again and just as he was about to finish her off, Mustang's voice rang out.

"STOP!"

Everyone looked up, wondering why Mustang had suddenly stopped the execution. But he didn't seem to be in any hurry. He was looking at a large poster. He began to read from it.

"Hmm…Wanted: A crazed boy wearing a red coat has been terrorizing the countryside. Description: Blond Hair, Braided. Eyes: Gold. Arm and Leg: Automail. Height: 165 cm. Hmmm…Bring me a measuring stick!"

A soldier ran up and handed Mustang a measuring stick. He ran down to the outside of the Central HQ and held it up to Ed.

"Yes, you're exactly 165 cm. A regular pipsqueak."

"PIPSQUEAK? WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL AN ANT COULD STEP ON HIM BY ACCIDENT YOU JERK!"

Ed tried to throw himself on Mustang but was held back by Riza.

"LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO!"

"Well, well, well. It seems we have a criminal in our midst!" Roy declared.

"What? But I didn't do anything!" Ed protested.

"That's for the jury to decide!" Roy turned to the crowd. "I'm sorry to say the pageant will have to be postponed! Detain the teacher until I decide what to do with her!"

Two other soldiers carried Izumi off somewhere, much to Scar's displeasure.

"As for the rest of you, you are required to come to the courthouse immediately!"

Everyone once more began to whisper, this time in excitement! A trial! How marvelous! Ed had no choice but to be "escorted" to the courthouse.

"What's going to happen now?" He thought wearily.

Ending Note: Well, Roy's perverted ideas have been waylaid for now. But why is poor Ed on trial? I'll try to have the next chapter up soon.


	10. The Trial of Edward Elric

Thank you very much for the reviews! I really do appreciate them!

Note to SeaLover456: I have to admit, I did use your idea. Sorry! Since Izumi is playing the Duchess, I needed a reason for her to be imprisoned and it was a good idea. Sorry again.

As everyone gathered in the courthouse, Ed was thrown into a jail cell. As soon as the door was slammed shut, Ed jumped up and grabbed the bars, yelling.

"Hey! Let me out of here! I didn't do anything wrong! I was just following my brother!"

"You should save your energy." A voice said from behind him.

Ed turned and saw Izumi sitting on the single bench in the cell and watching him.

"They won't let us out until we've been tried." She said.

"How do you know?" Ed asked.

Izumi sighed and motioned to Ed. He sat down next to her as she talked.

"This has happened to me before." She explained. "That idiotic Fuhrer's been trying to get me to go along with his perverted games for a long time. He always tries to kill me, then throws me in prison, then lets me go."

Ed sighed and looked at his feet. Once again this crazy world threw him a curve ball. It seemed like nothing would ever make sense. Hell, it seemed like nothing in this place _could _make sense.

"And I'm still missing a boot." He muttered to himself, wiggling his bare toes.

Izumi raised an eyebrow at him and said, "So what's your story? Why are you here?"

Ed looked at her and said, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Well we've got nothing better to do."

So Ed explained everything that had happened since the morning. He told her about chasing Al into the library and falling down into the Bizarre Room and meeting Envy. He told her about talking with Armstrong and accidentally destroying Al and Winry's cottage. He told her about meeting Gluttony on the mushroom and Lust in the forest, his time at the Hughes Residence and ending with meeting Roy in his office.

"That's a pretty radical story. And you're sure you can get back home through Central?"

"That has to be the answer! 'All roads lead to Central' that's what Lust told me. There must be something here that'll let me and Al leave."

"And you're sure the Al you've chasing is really your brother?"

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't it possible that he's from this world? Does he even act like the brother you know?"

Ed thought back to all the times he'd encountered Al in this world. The bunny ears, the bunny tail, the fact that Al mistook him for Winry all pointed to the fact that this wasn't his Al.

"I can't believe I didn't see that." Ed said.

"It's alright." Izumi told him. "We all sometimes see things the way we want to see them rather then the way they actually are."

Before anymore conversation could be had, a soldier opened the door and said, "It's time for the trial. Follow me."

The soldier led them from the jail house to the nearby courthouse. They entered the building and saw that almost all of Central was seated, waiting for the trial. The judge's bench was situated at the far end of the room with the banner of the military hanging behind it. There was a small chair seated to the right of the bench where the witnesses would give testimony and the jury box to the left of the bench, filled with jurors. Izumi was led to a spot in the audience, next to the other witnesses, while Ed was led to a small platform directly in front of the judge's bench. As soon as he stood on the platform, bars rose to his chest and several guards stood around him. The courthouse was filled with the whispers of the audience. They all quieted down as Al suddenly appeared with a trumpet. He blew it twice to silence the last few talkers and cleared his throat. Ed sighed as another piece of evidence was added to the fact that this Al wasn't his Al. His Al would never have been able to blow a trumpet.

"Court is now in session!" He said. "All rise for the honorable Judge Mustang."

"Pfft. Honorable." Ed muttered.

He glanced over at Sheska, who was the stenographer, and saw she was staring at him. He shook his head to indicate not writing that down. Mustang entered and sat at the judge's bench.

He sat down and said, "Please be seated."

Everyone sat down, except for Ed who didn't have a chair, and Mustang said, "Read the charges of the accused!"

Al pulled open a long scroll and began to read, "Offense 1: The accused, Edward Elric, flooded the Bizarre Room with a large amount of salty liquid."

Ed blushed remembering that embarrassing situation.

"Offense 2: The accused snapped at former Major Armstrong as he told one of his stories."

"I object!" Ed yelled. "Show me one person who's been able to listen to any of Armstrong's stories without getting annoyed!"

"Hmm…He's right. Strike that offense." Roy said.

Al did so and continued, "Offense 3: The accused grew to a giant size and destroyed the cottage Winry and I built. Offense 4: The accused caused Elicia to cry. Offense 5: The accused still has his silver pocket watch despite the fact that all male soldiers have been discharged. Offense 6: He disrupted the execution of Izumi Curtis."

Al rolled up the scroll and picked up a different one as Roy called out, "Call the first witness!"

Al opened the new scroll and said, "The first witness is Izumi Curtis!"

Izumi stood up in the audience and walked to the witness stand.

"And how do you know the accused?" Roy asked.

"He first came to my home shortly after I received a message from the military telling me of a 'special event'. After that, we talked awhile while we were in the jail house."

"And did he seem to have any violent tendencies?"

"Not really. I don't see any harm in him and I find this whole trial to be a ridiculous travesty."

"Fine. You may stand down." Mustang said, waving her away. "Call the next witness!"

"The next witness is Winry Rockbell!" Al announced.

Winry stood up in the audience, clutching a twisted hunk of metal, and sat in the witness stand.

"And how do you know the accused?" Roy asked.

"Well, I never had much to do with him. I came home after shopping and he suddenly grew and destroyed most of my cottage! And then Mr. Armstrong came by and he made things worse, and tore off his boot, and then he suddenly disappeared, Al and Mr. Armstrong left, and I was forced to repair the house."

"Interesting. And what is that metal thing supposed to be?"

"This is all that remains of my latest project! When he grew he utterly destroyed it!"

"Aha!" Roy yelled. "You heard it with your own ears jurors! Write that down!"

The people in the jury box all frantically wrote down the information.

Roy turned to Winry and said, "You may stand down. Call the next witness!"

Al said, "The next witness is Maes Hughes!"

Hughes stood up, bent down again and said something to Elicia, then stood up and sat in the witness stand.

Before Roy could say anything, Hughes pulled out a stack of pictures and said, "Before I say anything, I just thought I'd bring all these pictures from my daughter's birthday and share them all with you! Here!"

Hughes threw copies of the pictures into the audience who just let them fall.

"Hughes! Sit down!" Roy yelled.

"Jeez, you don't have to yell." Hughes said, sitting down.

"Now how do you know the accused?"

"I remember he came to Elicia's seventy third birthday-she's turning three you know!- and he didn't seem to enthusiastic to be there."

Roy sighed and said, "Did he do anything you would find offensive?"

"Yes! He made my darling Elicia cry! Didn't he sweetie?"

Elicia jumped onto her chair and yelled back, "Yes he did! He was mean!"

Ed whirled around and shook his fist at her saying, "Hey! I delivered you, you little brat!"

"See!" she wailed. "He's doing it again!"

Roy banged his gavel and said, "Order! I will have order in my court! You may stand down Hughes."

Hughes slipped a picture into Roy's pocket before taking his seat in the audience.

As Al called more witnesses, Ed started spacing out. He wasn't too worried about what was going to happen. He just wanted to get this over with so he could go back home.

"Having fun?" A voice said.

Ed jumped and looked up. Lust was sitting just above Roy's head in mid-air.

"What are you doing here?" He whispered.

"I thought I'd come by and see how you're doing. It looks like you've got yourself into some trouble." She said with a small smirk.

"This whole trial is ridiculous! I didn't even do anything!"

"That's for the jury to decide."

"If all you're going to do is make fun of me, then go away!"

Ed said this a little louder then he meant too. Roy looked at him and raised his eyebrow.

"Is something the matter?"

"Yes! There's a homunculus sitting above your head!"

Roy looked up and Lust instantly disappeared.

"But she was right there!"

"I'm sure she was." Roy said. "Is there anymore witnesses?"

Al looked over at Roy and said, "No sir."

"Alright then. Jury, please decide if the accused is innocent or guilty."

The jury whispered to each other for awhile, nodded and a man standing at the far end of the jury box said, "We find the accused, Edward Elric, Guilty!"

"What?" Ed yelled. "This isn't fair! I haven't done anything!"

Roy banged his gavel and said, "I sentence you, Edward Elric, to a fight to the death!"

"With who?" Ed asked.

"With the Jabberwock!" Roy declared.

Everyone in the room gasped at the horror of the punishment.

"Throw him back into his cell until the appointed execution time! In just one hour, Ed will battle with the Jabberwock and only one will come out alive! If you want to watch, come to the arena just outside the Central city limits."

And with that, Roy exited the courthouse as Ed was dragged away, kicking and screaming.

Ending Note: The trial is over and Ed is guilty! Will he survive the battle with the Jabberwock? The last chapter if coming up!


	11. Escape From Wonderland

And now, all good things must come to an end. Here is the end of my first fanfiction here on After this one, I'll be working on another one which could go up about a week after this one. Thanks again for all the reviews you've given me!

Ed was tossed unceremoniously into the cell he had been in before the trial. He instantly whirled around and clapped his hands, full ready to transmute the bars and escape. But it didn't work. Ed gripped the bars and pulled and shoved, trying anything to open the door. He was soon fed up and sat on the bench, waiting his fate. In all his time as an alchemist, before or during, Ed never remembered hearing of a creature called a Jabberwock. Before he could muse on the subject anymore he heard a distinct snickering. He looked at the bars of his cell but no one was there. He looked away again, trying to think of how he'd fight something he'd never even heard of, when the snickering returned. This time when he looked up, Ed saw Envy staring at him.

"What the hell do you want?" Ed yelled at him.

"Still have that temper I see." Envy said, grinning broadly. "So it looks like you got yourself into some trouble."

"Why would you care? What do you want from me?" Ed asked.

"I want what you want. No, no to get home." Envy said, noticing the expression of surprise on Ed's face. "I want the Philosophers Stone."

"Good luck trying to find it out here." Ed, looking away.

"And what would you say if I told you I know I'm getting a Philosophers Stone?" Envy questioned.

"I'd say you're crazy!" Ed replied, still not looking at him.

"You can't run away from your problems."

Ed looked Envy directly in the eye and said, "I've never run away from my problems."

Envy giggled at the fierce look in his eyes and said, "Then it should be an enjoyable fight."

Envy raised his hand to Ed, as he exited the jailhouse. Ed still heard his mocking voice as he said, "Don't disappoint me Pipsqueak!"

Ed ignored him. It wasn't something he usually did in a situation when someone called him "small", but there was little he could do while trapped in a jail cell with no access to alchemy.

The door leading to the cells opened and Ed saw two soldiers coming for him. It was time. The arena was relatively close by and it didn't take long to get there. It was a giant coliseum with only two entrances. One for the arriving guests, and one for arriving prisoners. A hatch was built inside the arena which housed the various chimera used in "entertaining" executions. But Ed couldn't see that yet. He was still standing outside the coliseum. While waiting to be taken inside, a strange mark in the dirt had caught his eye. It ran around the circumference of the arena. It looked too purposeful to be just a random line. Ed's eyes darted around, looking for anything suspicious. What he saw made him gasp slightly. Latin writing was etched just below a small set of interlocking circles. Ed recognized the piece of the array used to create a Philosophers Stone! Ed's heart was pounding as he saw streams of people entering the arena. The soldiers started pushing him towards the arena.

"Wait! You can't do this! It's a trap!" Ed yelled.

They didn't listen. He was forcibly pushed into the arena, the doors leading out covered by a lattice gate. Once inside, Ed saw pieces of the array scattered around the arena floor in seemingly random patterns so no one could tell what it was. This was what Envy meant. If Wrath got free then he could use alchemy to activate the array and transmute the entire arena into a Philosophers Stone. Ed scanned the crowd and saw the three homunculi watching him from the top of the arena wall, out of sight.

"Do you think he figured it out?" Envy said to the other two.

"I'm sure he has." Lust said. "But it won't matter when Wrath gets here."

"What if he's not here?" Gluttony said.

"Don't worry." Envy said. "He'll be here.

"Shh…" Lust said, pointing. "It's starting.

Roy had just stood up from his private viewing area. Riza was with him, holding out a scroll. Roy took it, opened and began to read from it.

"The accused, Edward Elric, has been sentenced to a fight to the death with the Jabberwock. His execution will now commence!"

The hatch creaked and slowly opened. A towering creature rose from its depths, saliva dripping from its jaws. It stood at least twenty five feet high and had glistening dragonfly wings folded on its scaly back. Two eyes, on stalks, swiveled around its head, looking in all directions until they fastened on Ed. It lumbered forward on powerful lizard like legs ending in clawed birds feet. Its arms reached out, talons on his paw, the arms themselves furry. This thing was obviously a chimera. Ed had never seen such a disgrace to living life. The Jabberwock was a sin against nature and had no right to be alive.

Ed clapped his hands and was about to place them on the ground, when he remembered the array.

"Better not take any chances." He said, placing his hands on a wall.

The crowd cheered as Ed pulled a lance from the wall and charged the creature. The Jabberwock swiped at him with uncanny speed and Ed only just dodged the lethal talons. He stabbed the creature in its foot as he ran between its legs. It howled in fury, but not pain. Ed turned and stabbed it a little higher, this time in its scaly leg. Still no impact. The creature kicked out at Ed, sending him flying into a wall. It hissed and ran forward, ready to snap up Ed in its jaws. Ed clapped and transmuted a spear, one just big enough to stop the Jabberwock's mouth. It reared back, black blood raining down on the ground, and thrashed around, drying to dislodge the spear. Ed's mind was racing. How was he going to kill this thing? It was too heavily armored to pierce with his transmuted weapons. It was like trying to kill a lion with a toothpick. He moved quickly along the wall, getting behind the Jabberwock. He stopped and something fell out of his pocket. He stared at the piece of the growth mushroom. A light went off in his head as he ate the mushroom. The crowd 'oooed' as Ed grew to the same staggering height as the Jabberwock. He clapped his hands, the sound echoing through Central, and transmuted his metal arm into a blade. He grabbed the Jabberwock around its neck and sliced its head off. The Jabberwock jerked once or twice then was still. The crowd cheered as Ed let the corpse go. The cheers were cut short as Ed quickly jumped over the wall of the arena and vigorously rubbed the transmutation circle out. Soon, it was gone entirely. Ed sighed in relief as the mushrooms effects wore offand her returned to his regular size.Roy was furious! How dare that boy embarrass him like this!

He stood up and said, "That boy is still a convicted prisoner! Get him!"

Ed heard the crowd roar in anger and saw them surging after him. He yelled out and ran towards the edge of Central. He saw the different paths leading away and read the sings. Each one led to a place he didn't need to be. That's when he finally understood. He clapped his hands and touched one of the signs. The letters changed around and became: Home. The path twisted and untwisted until a straight path lead into a tunnel. He ran as fast as he could until he reached the mouth of the tunnel. He looked behind him and saw the homunculi chasing after him with their unnatural speed. He turned and kept running into the darkness of the tunnel. He felt Lust's dagger like fingers dart to either side of him, heard Gluttony's slobbery breathing, and felt Envy's wicked presence pushing against him. He pushed himself harder and faster until he felt his feet lifting from the ground. He felt like he was pushing through water and his breathing became labored and difficult. He reached out as far as he could and his fingers met wood. He looked up in hope and saw the door transform back into Envy.

"How—" Ed gasped out.

"Stupid kid!" Envy said. "Did you think you'd escape that easily?"

"Get out of my way!" Ed yelled, clapping his hands.

He pushed his hands onto Envy's chest and Envy blew apart into hundreds of bubbles. Ed pushed through the now open passage and fell, fell, fell into darkness. Ed yelled and felt a sudden shaking all around his body. His eyes scrunched shut as he felt the shaking get worse.

"Brother!"

Ed didn't want to open his eyes. It was too much. Too much shaking.

"Brother, wake up!"

He was starting to feel sick. It was too much—

"Shaking!" Ed yelled out, opening his eyes.

Al was staring down at him. He abruptly stopped shaking his brother and put a hand behind his head.

"Ehehehe…Sorry brother." He said sheepishly.

"What's going on? Where am I?" Ed said, sitting up.

"We're where we've been all day. You fell asleep a few minutes ago and were quiet. Then you started yelling about something and I thought I'd better wake you up."

Ed looked around him. Bright blue sky, familiar surroundings, and the sight of absolute normalacy greeted him.

"I'm…I'm back! I'm free!" Ed yelled out, jumping up and dancing happily.

Al jumped back in surprise then laughed with his brother, pleased he was in such a good mood.

"Come on Al! Let's go home and visit Winry." Ed said.

"Really?" Al asked excitedly. "You never want to go and visit Winry."

"This time, I think I need too." Ed said, smiling.

As they walked off, Ed was in such a wonderful mood now that he knew his ordeal had just been a crazy dream, probably brought on by the sun and boredom. Then Ed stepped in a puddle and felt cold and wet. He looked down and saw he was missing a boot.

"Hey Al. Did you take my boot?"

"No. Why?"

"No…reason." Ed said.

Meanwhile…

"Oooh! So close!" Envy said, smiling as he watched the Elric brothers walk away.

"Don't worry. That was just one small plan." Lust said. "I'm sure our master has other plans for the Elrics."

"Speaking of plans, what do you plan on doing with him?" Envy said.

Lust smiled as she looked down at the man between her fingers.

"The Illusion Alchemist has served his purpose." Lust said.

Before the terrified man could say or do anything, Lust brought her fingers together and took off his head.

Gluttony's stomach gurgled as he looked at the body.

"Can I eat him?"

The End

Ending Note: And our time together is at an end. For now. If you're having trouble deciphering the ending, just say so and I'll explain it. But it should be pretty self explanatory. Once more, I'd like to say thanks for all the positive reviews and suggestions I've got. Hopefully my next story will be as good as this one!


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